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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26178532">10 Years (They Don't Return)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/eponine119/pseuds/eponine119'>eponine119</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Lost</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>1980s, Canon Divergent, DHARMA Initiative, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:34:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,325</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26178532</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/eponine119/pseuds/eponine119</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been ten years. Something changed. They never came back.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Juliet Burke/James "Sawyer" Ford</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>10 Years (They Don't Return)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>10 Years (They Don’t Return)<br/>by eponine119<br/>July 12, 2020</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s been easier just to stay. They don’t have to make decisions, and almost every need is easily taken care of. </p>
<p>Horace pushes hard to throw them a 10-year anniversary party. </p>
<p>“He’ll throw a party for anything,” Miles says with an eyeroll, perched on the sofa. </p>
<p>“It’s funny he remembers the date,” Juliet agrees. </p>
<p>“Not many long-timers now,” Sawyer says. “Lot of people leavin’ lately, one way or another.” He stares at the picture on the wall, which is of the island. He’s thinking about Radzinsky, so obsessed with the Swan Station they ultimately locked him up in it. He can press the button, and they’re rid of him: two birds with one stone. </p>
<p>“It’s almost like this hippie-dippie shit went out of style about six years ago,” Miles says. </p>
<p>“Maybe it’s time to go,” Juliet says simply, and looks at Sawyer. </p>
<p>He sighs noisily. “What the hell are we gonna do if we leave?” </p>
<p>“We can’t stay forever. We know how it ends for them.” </p>
<p>“Jin should be here,” Miles says abruptly. “If we’re talking seriously about going. Jin should be here.” </p>
<p>“We ain’t talkin’ seriously about anything,” Sawyer bristles. </p>
<p>Juliet casts a cool gaze at Miles. “I’ll go get him.” Miles gets up and heads out. </p>
<p>“What’d you go and do that for?” Sawyer gives her a look. </p>
<p>“We don’t know when the purge happens,” Juliet says. “We were safe while Ben was a kid, and while he was off the island going to college. He’s back now.” </p>
<p>“All these years and you’re still scared of Ben Linus.” Sawyer threads his fingers through hers to soften his words. </p>
<p>Juliet doesn’t say anything, just looks miserable. “They aren’t coming back, James.” </p>
<p>“I know that.” He meets her eyes. He can’t explain how he feels safe here. He knows who he is. Who they are. They head back to the real world, what’s gonna happen to them? </p>
<p>“Don’t you want something different?” she asks. He thinks about the dirt under her nails, and how that automatic longing – I want to go home – has never really left her. </p>
<p>He would say no, but he can’t. His mouth gets dry when she talks like this, when he tries to picture them off this island, in some city where the light is cold and it snows. </p>
<p>“Things are different,” he said. “We changed somethin’ by being here.” Even though Faraday said they couldn’t, he knows in his heart that they did. He saw the orientation film in the hatch, hosted by Pierre Chang with a prosthetic arm, back before the time flashes. By the time the hatch was finished, four years ago now, Chang had gone back to Ann Arbor, both hands intact. He knows Juliet will roll her eyes and tell him he just remembers wrong, that he only saw the film once, during a period of intense stress. But he knows what he knows. </p>
<p>Miles knocks briefly before opening the front door and coming in with Jin. Juliet gets up to pour him a drink. He looks up at her when she puts it into his hand. </p>
<p>“You’re talking about leaving,” Jin says, taking a sip and setting it down. </p>
<p>“We ain’t talkin’ ‘bout nothing.” Sawyer is still irritated. </p>
<p>“It’s time, Jin,” Juliet says quietly, and it chills Sawyer to the bone, because she’s serious. </p>
<p>“She’s right,” Miles says, the first time he’s ever officially weighed in on this subject. He usually shrugs and says he’ll do what they do. Half the time he just says it with his eyes and the set of his shoulders. He’s loyal; beyond that, there are times Sawyer thinks he doesn’t understand Miles at all. </p>
<p>“No,” Jin says. “I stay.” </p>
<p>Sawyer, Juliet and Miles exchange a look. Juliet sinks her teeth into her lip. Now they’re faced with a new choice: do they leave without Jin? Or do they try to convince him? </p>
<p>“She’s not coming back,” Juliet says gently. “None of them are. They can’t. And we can’t get back to them.” </p>
<p>“I know,” Jin says. He finishes the drink. Sawyer gets up to pour him another, but Jin doesn’t touch it. “I won’t go. That’s final.” </p>
<p>“All right,” Juliet says. She doesn’t look at Sawyer, and he knows why. </p>
<p>They drop the subject, and watch one of the new videotapes they borrowed. No one’s really thinking about the movie, and it’s quiet when it ends and Sawyer shuts it off, hitting the rewind button so it’ll be ready to return in the morning. They say their goodbyes, and Miles gives Juliet a long look before he slips out the door. </p>
<p>“We can’t go without Jin,” Sawyer says once the door is closed, leaning against it. </p>
<p>“He’ll come around,” Juliet says stubbornly. </p>
<p>“She’s his wife. He still loves her. They got a baby out there somewhere, thirty years from now.” </p>
<p>“Twenty,” Juliet corrects. They’re used to saying thirty, but ten years have passed. “It’s only twenty now.” </p>
<p>He sighs, and smiles at her. “Almost our anniversary. You and me.” </p>
<p>She smiles back, and the tight knot in his chest relaxes a little bit. They kiss, initially just a sweet brush of the lips, but then he deepens it. She kisses him back and it still has the power to leave them both breathless. Her eyes are dark blue when she opens them to look at him again. </p>
<p>They sit back down on the couch together. </p>
<p>“Daniel left without us,” Juliet points out. </p>
<p>“That’s different. He was trying to get us home.” </p>
<p>“I wonder where he is now.” </p>
<p>Sawyer doesn’t say anything, but his silence is too loud and somehow gives it away. </p>
<p>“You know,” Juliet says, frowning at him. </p>
<p>He can’t lie to her. “Mikhail.” The Russian at the Flame station keeps track of everything off-island.</p>
<p>“So where is he?” Juliet asks anxiously. </p>
<p>Sawyer thinks she already knows on some level. “He cracked up. I mean, hell, Juliet, he was half-gone when he left.” </p>
<p>“Is he dead?” She sits very still. </p>
<p>“No. Just sedated. Locked up.” He watches her face, how stiff and cold it is. She doesn’t ask him how long he’s known. He leans back, stretching his arm out along the couch cushions. “What do you want to do?” </p>
<p>“You know what I want to do,” she says, looking at him with blazing blue eyes. “The question is you.” </p>
<p>“You know I don’t wanna go. And I don’t want to leave Jin here on his own.” </p>
<p>“So what do we do?” she asks him. </p>
<p>“Go to bed. Let Horace have his party. Figure out the rest of it later.” </p>
<p>“And if tomorrow’s the day Ben kills us all with poison gas?” </p>
<p>“Then we had a good run,” Sawyer says, even though he knows it’ll piss her off. And it does. She jolts off the couch to her feet, but he catches her hand and pulls her back down, hugging her against him, hard. “I love you, Juliet,” he says. “You ain’t leaving me.” </p>
<p>“It has to end sometime,” she mumbles. </p>
<p>“No, it don’t.” He brushes her hair back. She wears it shorter than she used to, only just past her shoulders, and it falls in loose waves. He looks at her face, so dear to him now, and thinks the years haven’t marked her at all. He knows he’s got lines around his eyes, and a spare tire from drinking too much Dharma beer, but he also knows she doesn’t care about that. “We said forever, and we meant it.” </p>
<p>They got married back in ‘78, on the beach, just the two of them with Horace to say the words. Sawyer had been too scared to ask her for a long time, and then one day he just knew it was right. It wasn’t like she was going to say no. They didn’t take a honeymoon. They’ve never left the island. He can’t imagine leaving it now. </p>
<p>They go to bed, undressing in the dark. He knows he’d better start imagining it, because this is one fight he’s eventually going to lose. </p>
<p>“Are you still waiting for them?” Juliet asks him, in the dark, in the morning. They’re both awake, lying curled around each other, waiting for the alarm clock to go off to make them start their day. </p>
<p>Sawyer doesn’t know what to say. If it’s ten years gone for them too, it’d be 2014. The world they’d be going back to would be just as foreign to them as 1984. Maybe more, since they both remember 1984, the first time around. “Maybe it’s like Narnia,” he says. They could end up back in 2004, just older. He wonders if that would be better. </p>
<p>“What?” </p>
<p>“Nothin’.” </p>
<p>“Jin’s not even still waiting for her. That’s what gets me.” </p>
<p>“Yeah he is.” </p>
<p>“What about Mandy?” </p>
<p>Mandy was a girl Jin hooked up with, maybe five years back. More like seven, Sawyer realizes, and marvels at how the years have blurred together, how they can pass without him taking stock. Jin and Mandy lived together for awhile, even. He didn’t know how serious it had gotten – Jin wasn’t one to kiss and tell – but he had the inkling she wanted to get married and Jin didn’t. Couldn’t. Wouldn’t. So Mandy quit and went back to the mainland. Jin carried on. He’d never been one to make his grieving public. But he hadn’t dated anyone else. </p>
<p>“Mandy wasn’t anything,” Sawyer says. </p>
<p>“He loved her.” </p>
<p>“He tell you that?” </p>
<p>“She did,” Juliet says. Sawyer rolls over to look at her, surprised and confused. She looks away, her mouth turned up in one corner. </p>
<p>“Mandy was a man doing what he’s gotta do,” Sawyer says. “Trying to move on and finding out he wasn’t free.” </p>
<p>“Sometimes I think I’m another Mandy to you,” Juliet says, with heartbreaking honesty. </p>
<p>“No,” he says fiercely. </p>
<p>“They aren’t coming back,” she says, and gets up from the bed. He reaches for her, but the damned alarm clock goes off and he has to shut it up, and by then she’s in the shower, and morning sweeps them along. </p>
<p>Horace comes to the security office that afternoon. His face is serious. “What’s up, boss?” Sawyer asks, watching as Horace polishes his glasses on his sleeve. </p>
<p>“I guess there’s not going to be a party,” Horace says, setting his glasses back in place and looking at him. “When were you going to tell me?” </p>
<p>“Tell you what, chief?” </p>
<p>“That you’re leaving.” </p>
<p>“Son of a bitch,” Sawyer breathes, feeling like he’s been sucker punched. “Juliet –?” </p>
<p>“Talked to Amy,” Horace nods. </p>
<p>“It’s just something we’ve been talking about. Nothing’s official yet,” Sawyer says. </p>
<p>Horace gives him a sad smile, and pats him on the shoulder. “You let me know when you’re ready.” </p>
<p>Sawyer nods again. </p>
<p>“It’s been good, Jim,” Horace says, before he goes. </p>
<p>…</p>
<p>“You told Amy,” Sawyer says when he gets home that night. </p>
<p>“I had to talk to someone,” Juliet replies, and stops setting the table. </p>
<p>“You know how Amy is. Horace figures it’s a done deal now.” And you knew this would happen, he doesn’t add. She did this on purpose, and he’s angry about it, but this is his wife. </p>
<p>“We can’t stay.” </p>
<p>“Ben is different,” Sawyer says. “He’s not that guy we knew.” </p>
<p>“Not yet,” Juliet says coldly. “He’s a liar and a master manipulator. He’ll do anything to get what he wants. You don’t know him like I did.” </p>
<p>“You ever sleep with him?” It’s a casual question. </p>
<p>She looks like she wants to slap him. “He wishes.” She spits out the words. </p>
<p>“What’s past is past.” </p>
<p>“Except when it’s the future, James.” </p>
<p>“We could leave Dharma and stay here. Be like Rose and Bernard.” Miles found their camp a couple of years ago. They’d apparently been moving to avoid being found, but got tired of it. The hostiles left them alone, so Sawyer agreed to, too. </p>
<p>“I want to go home,” she says. </p>
<p>“It’s been ten years, baby. Isn’t this home?” She looks at him and he knows he’s caught her. </p>
<p>“We missed out on a lot, James. To stay here.” </p>
<p>He wonders what it is she thinks she missed out on. “You regret all of it now, blondie, is that it?” </p>
<p>She shakes her head. “I don’t regret you,” she says, and it’s all he needs. </p>
<p>…</p>
<p>After that, it’s settled. The sub’s leaving in a week, but that seems too soon, so they make plans for the one after that. Three weeks to wrap up ten years. </p>
<p>He helps Juliet pack, but they don’t have much they want to keep. “We’re starting fresh,” he says, trying to feel happy about it as they have an open house garage sale, standing in the living room while their friends and coworkers pick through their belongings, and cart them off in bags and boxes. </p>
<p>“It’s a relief,” Miles says, putting his feet up on their coffee table and drinking beer to celebrate after putting in his notice, too. “I haven’t felt this kind of weight off me since my mom decided to leave here.” </p>
<p>“That was weird,” Sawyer agrees, clinking bottles with him, remembering the night Miles confessed to him that baby Miles Chang was actually the same guy standing in front of him, that Lara was his mom, and he’d never known his dad but apparently it was Dr. Pierre Chang, of many names in the hatch orientation videos. </p>
<p>Lara Chang had been one of the first to leave, after she and Pierre broke up. The Lewises left not long after, taking their little red-haired daughter Charlotte with them. Sawyer privately thought that was what had led Faraday to finally lose it. After that, attrition led the Dharma Initiative to start collapsing in on itself. There were still new recruits sometimes, but a lot fewer and they didn’t tend to stay long. </p>
<p>And now they were going, too. </p>
<p>“I want to go see it,” Sawyer says, holding Juliet in bed in the dark. It seems to be the only place they can be honest with each other anymore and say what they’re really thinking. He imagines it’s a bad sign, but they’re in a transition now and he has to think they’ll get through it. </p>
<p>“See what?” she murmurs against him. </p>
<p>“Our beach. The island. One last time.” He turns and looks at her. “You know once we get off this rock, there’s no way we can ever come back.” </p>
<p>“You want to say goodbye,” she says, and he thinks she understands. “It isn’t there, what you want to say goodbye to.” </p>
<p>“I’m still going,” he says into her mouth, kissing her, touching her like he’s been longing to do. </p>
<p>So they set off on the weekend, backpacks stocked with food and water and sunscreen. Miles gives them a doubtful look as he leans against the post on their porch. “You sure this is a good idea?” he asks. “I mean, you’re coming back, right? This isn’t some kind of weird 'disappear into the jungle never to be seen again kind of thing' is it?” </p>
<p>“We’ll be back tomorrow night,” Sawyer says firmly. </p>
<p>“If we’re not, send out a search party.” Juliet touches his arm, and she smiles, and they set out. </p>
<p>“I understand, you know,” she says, when they’ve both been walking long enough to work up a sweat. His shirt is soaked the way it used to get, when they were ten years younger and routinely went running back and forth and all over this island. </p>
<p>He guzzles down some water and looks at her, waiting for the rest. </p>
<p>“This is our home,” she says simply, and that’s when he knows this is going to be okay. They’ll leave the island, but they’ll stay together. They’re going to make it. They hold hands for a little bit, but it’s too hot and they’re both too sweaty, so they let go and just hike. </p>
<p>Their path leads them past the Black Rock. The sight of it still nauseates him and the memories flood through his body. His feet stumble and Juliet looks at him, her eyebrows drawn in concern. He opens his mouth and almost tells her, the words wanting to come out like the vomit he can barely hold back. But he can’t, not now, not ever. They keep walking. </p>
<p>He watches her, wondering what memories she has in her head that she’s not sharing with him. </p>
<p>“It feels like it happened to somebody else,” he says, when they emerge onto the beach. He trusts her navigation, but it doesn’t look like their beach. It looks like any other beach, with sand leading down to breaking waves. There’s no hint of wreckage, of the shelters that they built, of the graves on the hill. It was just a few months of his life, just like his parents’ deaths were just one day, one hour, a few minutes really. But they carried more weight than all the other days and months and hours. </p>
<p>He looks at Juliet, her hair tied up in a knot. She sits down in the sand and lets it pour through her fingers. He remembers that first day with her, the first day that mattered. The one that led to all the ones that came after. </p>
<p>Maybe those defining moments in his life don’t carry more weight than the rest. Maybe it’s equal. Maybe it’s less, and he’s finally moved on. </p>
<p>“Someday this is all going to feel like a dream,” he says. </p>
<p>She looks at him and considers it, then nods. </p>
<p>He drops down in the sand beside her. “I feel bad about Jin.” Jin, who back at the barracks is now wearing a new jumpsuit with “Head of Security” stitched onto it. </p>
<p>“He made his choice.” Juliet says it neutrally. She’s not judging him; she doesn’t regret it. She respects it, and it just is. </p>
<p>“Maybe we were all meant to die here.” </p>
<p>“Don’t start,” she says. “Not now.” </p>
<p>“If you don’t believe in destiny, then you believe we could change things,” he says. </p>
<p>“It makes my head hurt.” She looks at him. “Did you come out here to try to find the well?” </p>
<p>“No.” He knows where the well is, and he knows there’s a secret chamber underneath the Orchid station that has to do with time travel experiments. “This is one weird island.” He sighs. “What about Miles?” </p>
<p>“Miles loves you, you know,” Juliet says, and it raises Sawyer’s eyebrows with surprise. </p>
<p>“He tell you that?” </p>
<p>“No. But I know.” She looks at him. “You know it, too.” </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Sawyer says. “I do.” He puts his hand on her back, between her shoulders. “I love you. I probably don’t say it enough.” </p>
<p>Her lips curl into a smile. “I love you too,” she says. She looks out over the water. “I keep expecting something to happen. Another time flash, or for them to come walking out of the jungle.” </p>
<p>“I know,” he says. </p>
<p>“Is that why you wanted to come out here? One last time?” </p>
<p>“No. It’s not going to happen, Juliet. We all know it. Even Jin.” He watches her keep blinking at the ocean, at the horizon, at the sun shining in her eyes. “You ready to go back?” </p>
<p>“I thought you wanted to spend the night here, head back in the morning,” she says. </p>
<p>He shakes his head. “I’m done.” He’s not sure if it was goodbye, or if he had to prove to himself that it was all gone and there was nothing here to come back for. Whichever it was, it’s complete. He gets up and reaches his hand out to pull her up. He holds her in his arms for a moment, then they start the long walk back. </p>
<p>It's just a beach.</p>
<p>They’re not running from it anymore. They’re heading for the future, their future, the one they’re going to build together, far away from this place. </p>
<p>End</p>
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